He's so stinkin' happy. I LOVE him.... have I mentioned that lately?~ xoxo, J.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
just sharing a new photo....
It's actually not too new. This is our Carterbug last week..... sitting in his chair. I promise that this kid doesn't always sit in this chair. By the looks of these blog pictures, it looks like he lives in it but really, he's lucky to see this chair for an hour a day.... the rest of his time is spent in mommy's lap, where he resides right now.
He's so stinkin' happy. I LOVE him.... have I mentioned that lately?
~ xoxo, J.
He's so stinkin' happy. I LOVE him.... have I mentioned that lately?~ xoxo, J.
Monday, July 13, 2009
.... and then the uncontrollable crying began
Mine. Not his.
I never had even a hint of baby blues or postpartum depression. I never stopped moving around when we came home from the hospital. I organized and straightened and documented and cuddled and snuggled and stared and grocery shopped and photographed and diaper changed and laundered and videotaped and nursed…. and I attempted to look like I knew exactly what I was doing even though I felt like a dorky kid in his spiderman underwear nudged out onto stage at an Aerosmith show with a guitar in my hand.
And although it turns out that Carter ended up being much cooler than any guitar… and life as I know it now is one million times more exciting than an Aerosmith concert….. motherhood has it’s sneaky way of smacking me in the face sometimes.
Let’s be realistic…. being an oncology nurse isn’t everyone’s idea of fun. My job is emotional to say the least. Anyone with a heart would probably have frequent crying sessions if they were faced with death over and over again every time they went to work. I cry at work and I’m not shy about it. If you’re hanging out at St. Francis.... you can probably find me on the edge of a bed somewhere on the 4th floor crying my little face off with some lovely, lovely people that I just met and have the pleasure of taking care of.
Well… I mention my job because sometimes when I get emotional… I blame St. Francis. I blame cancer and what it does to beautiful, full-of-life, individuals and to wonderful families, and to my heart.
But sometimes, it’s undeniable that cancer isn’t to blame for my emotions.
Motherhood is.
I was standing at the nurses station at work today and a hospice nurse asked if I was the “nurse who had the baby”. Of course, being the proud mama that I am…. I whipped out my cell phone to put on a month by month slideshow of Carterbug for her and I hadn’t even gotten past the picture on my display when tears welled up in my eyes. She asked me if I was okay and I apologized with my cracking voice….. “I’m sorry”, I said, “He’s so beautiful”.
...incase you haven't conjured up a mental picture yet, let me briefly explain again: I was crying like a crazy person with a cell phone right there in the middle of the nurse's station....
…. and normally you would think that the person in front of me would be thinking to themselves: “Oh good grief…. WEIRDO!”…. but this woman is a mama too…. so she reached deep inside her inner mama self, touched my shoulder, and assured me that I was right…. “He is very beautiful”, she said.
And then I carried on about my busy work day without any other tears over Carterbug. Only a few hundred tears shed over the 41 year old mother of 3 that I took care of who has less than one month to live. Ugh.
On the days that Zach is home with Carter, I drive home from work by myself. When I do... I crank up my favorite Christian radio station and try to forget about work’s heartaches. I remind myself that God is in control and all of us are on our way to a perfect place with Him… in His special timing. Today I did the same…. And I even said aloud to one of my co-workers before I left that tonight was going to be “less-emotional than today”.
I came home and Zach had things cleaned up and dinner ready…. again. He is so much better at this mommy thing than I am. I don’t know how he does it some days…. but he’s pretty incredible and I’m pretty lucky. If there were a husband of the year plaque that didn’t look cheesy & cheap, I would definitely have bought it for him for father’s day.
He was in a hurry to get to poker night…. we kissed goodbye and he jogged down to the car. I stripped off the germy scrub top and went to play with Carter on the floor.
His big eyes, his chubby cheeks, his innocent looks & his beautiful smile…. it was all too overwhelming for me and then the uncontrollable crying began.
Mine. Not his.
I snatched him up into my arms and rocked him in the middle of the living room floor. I told him how much I loved being his mama and how crazy I was about him. I told him how beautiful he was and how precious he is and how lucky I am to have him. I told him that God made him perfect and that God must really love mommy & daddy to give them such a happy little boy. I told him that he wouldn’t remember any of this and it’s probably a good thing because he’d try and call the St.Vincent Stress Center on his mama…. And then I’d be stuck in there with Carmel moms who stained their new Coach purses….
He mumbled nonsense against my shoulder, slobbered down my arm, and clenched the bottom of my ponytail with his fist…..
…. And I cried harder.
…. Because I have never felt love like this before.
…. Because I have never ever been so insanely happy.
…. Because I have never felt closer to God than I do when I hold my son.
I don’t think it's baby blues or postpartum depression.
I don’t think its cancer or St. Francis hospital.
I think it’s just motherhood.
Now: here are some new photos of the man of my dreams, himself. Him & his daddy make me the happiest woman in the world.... just get a look at how beautiful he is:
xoxo ~ J.
I never had even a hint of baby blues or postpartum depression. I never stopped moving around when we came home from the hospital. I organized and straightened and documented and cuddled and snuggled and stared and grocery shopped and photographed and diaper changed and laundered and videotaped and nursed…. and I attempted to look like I knew exactly what I was doing even though I felt like a dorky kid in his spiderman underwear nudged out onto stage at an Aerosmith show with a guitar in my hand.
And although it turns out that Carter ended up being much cooler than any guitar… and life as I know it now is one million times more exciting than an Aerosmith concert….. motherhood has it’s sneaky way of smacking me in the face sometimes.
Let’s be realistic…. being an oncology nurse isn’t everyone’s idea of fun. My job is emotional to say the least. Anyone with a heart would probably have frequent crying sessions if they were faced with death over and over again every time they went to work. I cry at work and I’m not shy about it. If you’re hanging out at St. Francis.... you can probably find me on the edge of a bed somewhere on the 4th floor crying my little face off with some lovely, lovely people that I just met and have the pleasure of taking care of.
Well… I mention my job because sometimes when I get emotional… I blame St. Francis. I blame cancer and what it does to beautiful, full-of-life, individuals and to wonderful families, and to my heart.
But sometimes, it’s undeniable that cancer isn’t to blame for my emotions.
Motherhood is.
I was standing at the nurses station at work today and a hospice nurse asked if I was the “nurse who had the baby”. Of course, being the proud mama that I am…. I whipped out my cell phone to put on a month by month slideshow of Carterbug for her and I hadn’t even gotten past the picture on my display when tears welled up in my eyes. She asked me if I was okay and I apologized with my cracking voice….. “I’m sorry”, I said, “He’s so beautiful”.
...incase you haven't conjured up a mental picture yet, let me briefly explain again: I was crying like a crazy person with a cell phone right there in the middle of the nurse's station....
…. and normally you would think that the person in front of me would be thinking to themselves: “Oh good grief…. WEIRDO!”…. but this woman is a mama too…. so she reached deep inside her inner mama self, touched my shoulder, and assured me that I was right…. “He is very beautiful”, she said.
And then I carried on about my busy work day without any other tears over Carterbug. Only a few hundred tears shed over the 41 year old mother of 3 that I took care of who has less than one month to live. Ugh.
On the days that Zach is home with Carter, I drive home from work by myself. When I do... I crank up my favorite Christian radio station and try to forget about work’s heartaches. I remind myself that God is in control and all of us are on our way to a perfect place with Him… in His special timing. Today I did the same…. And I even said aloud to one of my co-workers before I left that tonight was going to be “less-emotional than today”.
I came home and Zach had things cleaned up and dinner ready…. again. He is so much better at this mommy thing than I am. I don’t know how he does it some days…. but he’s pretty incredible and I’m pretty lucky. If there were a husband of the year plaque that didn’t look cheesy & cheap, I would definitely have bought it for him for father’s day.
He was in a hurry to get to poker night…. we kissed goodbye and he jogged down to the car. I stripped off the germy scrub top and went to play with Carter on the floor.
His big eyes, his chubby cheeks, his innocent looks & his beautiful smile…. it was all too overwhelming for me and then the uncontrollable crying began.
Mine. Not his.
I snatched him up into my arms and rocked him in the middle of the living room floor. I told him how much I loved being his mama and how crazy I was about him. I told him how beautiful he was and how precious he is and how lucky I am to have him. I told him that God made him perfect and that God must really love mommy & daddy to give them such a happy little boy. I told him that he wouldn’t remember any of this and it’s probably a good thing because he’d try and call the St.Vincent Stress Center on his mama…. And then I’d be stuck in there with Carmel moms who stained their new Coach purses….
He mumbled nonsense against my shoulder, slobbered down my arm, and clenched the bottom of my ponytail with his fist…..
…. And I cried harder.
…. Because I have never felt love like this before.
…. Because I have never ever been so insanely happy.
…. Because I have never felt closer to God than I do when I hold my son.
I don’t think it's baby blues or postpartum depression.
I don’t think its cancer or St. Francis hospital.
I think it’s just motherhood.
Now: here are some new photos of the man of my dreams, himself. Him & his daddy make me the happiest woman in the world.... just get a look at how beautiful he is:
xoxo ~ J.
Friday, June 26, 2009
.... wow.... I am a terrible blogger these days....
So sorry internet friends.... I'm ashamed of my lack of updates! I have every intention on most days of settling down with a cup of my favorite coffee & blogging away while Carter is taking a nap.... and as soon as his little eyes close, I'm off to do dishes or laundry.... or write him little notes about what's going on in his crazy little life.
He's a lazy bum! He's taken three naps today.... so lucky you all.... you get an update & some new pictures. He truly is an incredible little boy & he's growing by leaps & bounds all the time. His next dr's appt isn't for 2 more weeks but according to our digital scale.... he's weighing in at 15 pounds. He still seems like a little fella to me. He fits right into his 3-6 month clothes so he isn't gigantic by any means. Occasionally we'll even put him in a 6-12 month outfit and although they're still a little baggie.... they fit. :(
He's 18 weeks old! And what a shame that 2 legends passed away yesterday on his 18 week birthday! When I was in kindergarten I wanted to work at McDonalds when I grew up and marry Michael Jackson.... those were my aspirations. Now my dream of being his wife will never come to pass.... darn it all.
I guess Zach will have to do for my first husband. ;)
He's also still getting more and more adorable on a daily basis.....
He's starting to eat more baby foods. Added to his list are pears, brown rice, & sweet potatoes. We haven't found anything yet that he doesn't like. He gobbles up whole jars at a time & smiles throughout. He LOVES to eat.
His sleeping habits are not quite as lovely as they once were.... he's having a tendency to wake up now in the middle of the night and not want to go back to sleep right away. It's wearing me out but I enjoy our middle of the night playdates. It's really been no big problem for me, except on nights before I have to work the next day. I've been letting him go back to sleep with momma & daddy and I know, I know.... that's a big no no! We're going to work on it this coming week.
We're STILL WAITING to hear something on the house we put an offer in on. They countered and then we countered back.... and here we sit.... waiting again. This is such a long process but I have a feeling that it will all work out and be worth it in the end. Good things come to those who wait right?
Okay... the laundry is calling my name and we have to get grandma & grandpa to the airport when little guy wakes up from his nap. Here are some recent pictures of our perfect boy:
He's a lazy bum! He's taken three naps today.... so lucky you all.... you get an update & some new pictures. He truly is an incredible little boy & he's growing by leaps & bounds all the time. His next dr's appt isn't for 2 more weeks but according to our digital scale.... he's weighing in at 15 pounds. He still seems like a little fella to me. He fits right into his 3-6 month clothes so he isn't gigantic by any means. Occasionally we'll even put him in a 6-12 month outfit and although they're still a little baggie.... they fit. :(
He's 18 weeks old! And what a shame that 2 legends passed away yesterday on his 18 week birthday! When I was in kindergarten I wanted to work at McDonalds when I grew up and marry Michael Jackson.... those were my aspirations. Now my dream of being his wife will never come to pass.... darn it all.
I guess Zach will have to do for my first husband. ;)
(just kidding.. he's stuck with me for the long haul)
Let's see.... what is C doing these days? He's still in diapers.... still not walking. He still drools, still poops his pants, still yells at our ceiling fan, and he still refuses to clean up his crib.He's also still getting more and more adorable on a daily basis.....
He's starting to eat more baby foods. Added to his list are pears, brown rice, & sweet potatoes. We haven't found anything yet that he doesn't like. He gobbles up whole jars at a time & smiles throughout. He LOVES to eat.
His sleeping habits are not quite as lovely as they once were.... he's having a tendency to wake up now in the middle of the night and not want to go back to sleep right away. It's wearing me out but I enjoy our middle of the night playdates. It's really been no big problem for me, except on nights before I have to work the next day. I've been letting him go back to sleep with momma & daddy and I know, I know.... that's a big no no! We're going to work on it this coming week.
We're STILL WAITING to hear something on the house we put an offer in on. They countered and then we countered back.... and here we sit.... waiting again. This is such a long process but I have a feeling that it will all work out and be worth it in the end. Good things come to those who wait right?
Okay... the laundry is calling my name and we have to get grandma & grandpa to the airport when little guy wakes up from his nap. Here are some recent pictures of our perfect boy:
[ enjoying some time outside with momma after she got home from work on Thursday ]
[ my little model ]
[ he melts my heart ]
[ one of my favorite outfits on him.... I bought this shortly after my miscarriage last year in hopes that we would be pregnant again soon... and here came our Carterbug.... he looks perfect in it. ]
[ is there a more adorable 4 month old? .... I think not ]
[ those cheeks.... they are divine.... ]
[ aw, mom! .... another hat? ]
[ "just one more picture... and that's it.... hurry up" ]
[ "okay... that's it.... it's coming off" ]
[ in his soft, fuzzy sleepy sack momma bought him ]
[ checking out the scenery.... looking for the ladies.... ]
[ working on his tan ]
[ gotta wear shades ]
[ cute as ever.... ]
Thanks for checking in on us..... we're off to have another wonderful weekend.... we'll be in touch about the house & we'll be updating again shortly.....
Friday, June 12, 2009
Dear Carter . Month Four
Carter,
I’m at a total loss for words…. truly…. and this is quite unusual for your mama. However…. here I’ll go just telling you all that I’m thinking, whether it bores you or not. Perhaps when you’re old enough to read this letter…. you’ll be able to grasp, if even just a little, how important you are and how much you are loved.
It seems that with each day that passes, I love you more. You smile and my heart melts into tiny little crumbs of nothing…. I have trouble catching my breath almost with being so overwhelmed by sweet little you. This month, as with all the others, brought about exciting things, new achievements, more milestones, more smiles, more joy….. & everything else wonderful you could imagine. I was just telling a close friend today on the phone that I couldn’t imagine life without you in it. I was encouraging her to have children someday as Daddy & I have just come to realize that life with you compared to life before you are two entirely different things. We much prefer our lives now.
There are no bad days anymore because of you. When things get rough…. a smile or coo from you makes us forget about everything else. Life is simple now. It’s more charming & beautiful, more enjoyable and more fun.
You are inspirational. Your innocence & your purity are inspiring. You inspire me everyday to love more, do more, & try harder. I love life more in general because of you and I imagine that there are others who are the very same way. This world that we live in is full of hatred, violence, and every kind of impurity. People are mean, cruel, dishonest, and full of ignorance. All of these terrible things happen and you are totally unaware…. just trying to take in all of the beauty around you and soaking up all of the love you receive. I dream of what you’ll be like as you grow older and I imagine that you’ll be a beautiful, darling little boy and then a wonderful, caring young man. I pray that God will draw you near to Him and that you’ll have a passion for life. I am confident that our world will be a better place because of you.
It already is.
This past month brought about giggles, standing with assistance, holding your head up when lying on your belly, and rolling over. It also brought about your first birthday party, your first gun show, your first air show, and your first visit with one of mommy’s patients. You’re growing and growing by the day…. getting so big that it’s unbelievable. Growing out of clothes is like a pastime for you.
Mommy & Daddy are still waiting to hear about a house that we’d like to buy. We should know something by tomorrow and I’m already working on ways to make your room even more special than it is now. We can’t wait to be homeowners…. to have our own home & our own yard…. maybe even a puppy to add to the kitties. And we’ll be just 4 doors down from Nana & Papa! We’re thrilled about that because time spent with them is always wonderful.
You and Daddy are sleeping next to me on the couch. I look at the two of you and wish that there was some way for me to take a mental picture…. I wish I could capture the feelings that I have now so that years from today I could remember just what it felt like to sit here overwhelmed with love and thankfulness. I dread growing older…. time goes too quickly and we forget so easily sometimes the importance of living in the moment. Sometimes I gripe & complain about things, only to look back and say that I shouldn’t have. Life is too short for bickering & complaining. We need only to enjoy every little bit of what we have and every minute of time that we have left. Working in oncology has particularly shown me what significance there is in enjoying life each minute as it comes.
And documenting is so important….. I’ve already forgotten special thoughts and feelings that I experienced just yesterday….. I wouldn’t ever remember how it felt to be pregnant with you if I hadn’t kept record of it. Thank goodness for these journals and letters & for all of the photos and videos.
Keep growing little man….. I know you will….. and you’ll continue to amaze us with every inch.
Thank you for making this life so worth living. God made you very special.
Love, Mommy
I’m at a total loss for words…. truly…. and this is quite unusual for your mama. However…. here I’ll go just telling you all that I’m thinking, whether it bores you or not. Perhaps when you’re old enough to read this letter…. you’ll be able to grasp, if even just a little, how important you are and how much you are loved.
It seems that with each day that passes, I love you more. You smile and my heart melts into tiny little crumbs of nothing…. I have trouble catching my breath almost with being so overwhelmed by sweet little you. This month, as with all the others, brought about exciting things, new achievements, more milestones, more smiles, more joy….. & everything else wonderful you could imagine. I was just telling a close friend today on the phone that I couldn’t imagine life without you in it. I was encouraging her to have children someday as Daddy & I have just come to realize that life with you compared to life before you are two entirely different things. We much prefer our lives now.
There are no bad days anymore because of you. When things get rough…. a smile or coo from you makes us forget about everything else. Life is simple now. It’s more charming & beautiful, more enjoyable and more fun.
You are inspirational. Your innocence & your purity are inspiring. You inspire me everyday to love more, do more, & try harder. I love life more in general because of you and I imagine that there are others who are the very same way. This world that we live in is full of hatred, violence, and every kind of impurity. People are mean, cruel, dishonest, and full of ignorance. All of these terrible things happen and you are totally unaware…. just trying to take in all of the beauty around you and soaking up all of the love you receive. I dream of what you’ll be like as you grow older and I imagine that you’ll be a beautiful, darling little boy and then a wonderful, caring young man. I pray that God will draw you near to Him and that you’ll have a passion for life. I am confident that our world will be a better place because of you.It already is.
This past month brought about giggles, standing with assistance, holding your head up when lying on your belly, and rolling over. It also brought about your first birthday party, your first gun show, your first air show, and your first visit with one of mommy’s patients. You’re growing and growing by the day…. getting so big that it’s unbelievable. Growing out of clothes is like a pastime for you.Mommy & Daddy are still waiting to hear about a house that we’d like to buy. We should know something by tomorrow and I’m already working on ways to make your room even more special than it is now. We can’t wait to be homeowners…. to have our own home & our own yard…. maybe even a puppy to add to the kitties. And we’ll be just 4 doors down from Nana & Papa! We’re thrilled about that because time spent with them is always wonderful.
You and Daddy are sleeping next to me on the couch. I look at the two of you and wish that there was some way for me to take a mental picture…. I wish I could capture the feelings that I have now so that years from today I could remember just what it felt like to sit here overwhelmed with love and thankfulness. I dread growing older…. time goes too quickly and we forget so easily sometimes the importance of living in the moment. Sometimes I gripe & complain about things, only to look back and say that I shouldn’t have. Life is too short for bickering & complaining. We need only to enjoy every little bit of what we have and every minute of time that we have left. Working in oncology has particularly shown me what significance there is in enjoying life each minute as it comes.
And documenting is so important….. I’ve already forgotten special thoughts and feelings that I experienced just yesterday….. I wouldn’t ever remember how it felt to be pregnant with you if I hadn’t kept record of it. Thank goodness for these journals and letters & for all of the photos and videos.Keep growing little man….. I know you will….. and you’ll continue to amaze us with every inch.
Thank you for making this life so worth living. God made you very special.
Love, Mommy
Monday, June 8, 2009
lo & behold.... it's C again:
My word.
Time flies around here.....
Carter is growing by the day.... it's incredible. Everyday he is doing something new.
Last week was his busiest week so far. He started really playing with his toys, grabbing at his feet, and giggling a little bit. He also went to his first birthday party, his first gunshow, and his first airshow.
Today he started holding his head up when he's on his belly and he rolled from his belly to his back. He's also donning his first suntan (oops).
He's laying here next to me with his big hungry caterpillar in one hand and his right foot in the other grunting & carrying on about his day today. He's probably cussing me for allowing his little cheeks to get pink yesterday at the airshow.
He is PRECIOUS. Aunt Danita annouced that he should have an angelbaby award and we agree whole-heartedly. He really is a miracle man. He's all smiles all the time and he seems to be very calm & content. He loves to sing & dance with mommy, he loves to take walks around outside and be held..... and he also enjoys playing by himself in his chair or on his playmat. He's really fascinated by everything around him and he enjoys meeting new friends. He's still breastfed and has a bite of applesauce now and then just for fun.
We're looking into some mommy & me classes at a local Gymboree play place to start when he's 6 months old which, believe it or not, is only 8 weeks away..... and we're also gathering some adorable little outfits & things for his big 6 month photoshoot.
He's sitting & standing with assistance but he's still a little wobbly & weak with both. He's a drool machine & he likes to hang out in his pj's.
Anyway.... more stuff to come this Thursday in his next newsletter but here are a few newer pictures of him: doesn't he look delightful?? It's because he truly is!
Love you all! Be back on Thursday! ~ J.
Time flies around here.....
Carter is growing by the day.... it's incredible. Everyday he is doing something new.
Last week was his busiest week so far. He started really playing with his toys, grabbing at his feet, and giggling a little bit. He also went to his first birthday party, his first gunshow, and his first airshow.
Today he started holding his head up when he's on his belly and he rolled from his belly to his back. He's also donning his first suntan (oops).
He's laying here next to me with his big hungry caterpillar in one hand and his right foot in the other grunting & carrying on about his day today. He's probably cussing me for allowing his little cheeks to get pink yesterday at the airshow.
He is PRECIOUS. Aunt Danita annouced that he should have an angelbaby award and we agree whole-heartedly. He really is a miracle man. He's all smiles all the time and he seems to be very calm & content. He loves to sing & dance with mommy, he loves to take walks around outside and be held..... and he also enjoys playing by himself in his chair or on his playmat. He's really fascinated by everything around him and he enjoys meeting new friends. He's still breastfed and has a bite of applesauce now and then just for fun.
We're looking into some mommy & me classes at a local Gymboree play place to start when he's 6 months old which, believe it or not, is only 8 weeks away..... and we're also gathering some adorable little outfits & things for his big 6 month photoshoot.
He's sitting & standing with assistance but he's still a little wobbly & weak with both. He's a drool machine & he likes to hang out in his pj's.
Anyway.... more stuff to come this Thursday in his next newsletter but here are a few newer pictures of him: doesn't he look delightful?? It's because he truly is!
Love you all! Be back on Thursday! ~ J.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
yesterday...
Yesterday Zach and I took Carterbug to his very first birthday party.
1 year old little Maggie.... here's the princess, herself:
.... and her beautiful cake......
The party was beautiful..... beautiful cake, beautiful birthday girl, beautiful family & friends.....
..... and our beautiful little boy in his cute little birthday party outfit......
Lots of great pictures of him to come..... he's really starting to adore the camera. :)
1 year old little Maggie.... here's the princess, herself:
.... and her beautiful cake......
The party was beautiful..... beautiful cake, beautiful birthday girl, beautiful family & friends.......... and our beautiful little boy in his cute little birthday party outfit......
Lots of great pictures of him to come..... he's really starting to adore the camera. :)
Monday, May 18, 2009
Dear Carter . Month 3
Okay.... so I am a few days late this month. This doesn't mean that I'm a bad mom already.... it simply means that I have two full time jobs now. ugh.
Just a week after my last letter, I returned to work.... way too soon. I only work 3 days a week but it's a terribly difficult 3 days. I have to admit that I'm disappointed in our American society for not putting more of an emphasis on the importance of a maternity leave. I have Internet friends in England who think it's pure rubbish not to take at least 12-18 months off.... and they get PAID for them. amazing.
Either way.... I ventured back to work and it was terrible. It's very very slowly getting to be more tolerable but I still wouldn't consider it to be a 'good' thing. I hate leaving you in the mornings. I hate missing out on hours at a time of your life..... particularly because right now, it seems as if you're growing by the minute. I've made it through one day out of nine without tears so far. I will have fewer tear-filled days this month.... I hope.
This would be a good opportunity for me to tell you how fortunate I am to have my job, even though I hate it. I've never known what it's like to love something and hate something at the same time until now. When I'm not with you at home.... I'm taking care of cancer patients and I can't think of anything else I'd rather be paid for. It's a blessing to have a job where I'm truly making a difference. To be able to walk out of the hospital doors at the end of the day and know that I've helped others while I've been away from my son is a wonderful thing. I wouldn't leave you for anything less.
Just a week after my last letter, I returned to work.... way too soon. I only work 3 days a week but it's a terribly difficult 3 days. I have to admit that I'm disappointed in our American society for not putting more of an emphasis on the importance of a maternity leave. I have Internet friends in England who think it's pure rubbish not to take at least 12-18 months off.... and they get PAID for them. amazing.
Either way.... I ventured back to work and it was terrible. It's very very slowly getting to be more tolerable but I still wouldn't consider it to be a 'good' thing. I hate leaving you in the mornings. I hate missing out on hours at a time of your life..... particularly because right now, it seems as if you're growing by the minute. I've made it through one day out of nine without tears so far. I will have fewer tear-filled days this month.... I hope.
This would be a good opportunity for me to tell you how fortunate I am to have my job, even though I hate it. I've never known what it's like to love something and hate something at the same time until now. When I'm not with you at home.... I'm taking care of cancer patients and I can't think of anything else I'd rather be paid for. It's a blessing to have a job where I'm truly making a difference. To be able to walk out of the hospital doors at the end of the day and know that I've helped others while I've been away from my son is a wonderful thing. I wouldn't leave you for anything less.Oh Carter..... the joy that you bring us on a daily basis is truly immeasurable. Your daddy and I must look like monkeys sometimes just staring and picking at you like you're our favorite toy. Family members are no different. You're the life of the party now whereever we go and not a day goes by that we don't hear about your good looks. You're a beautiful little baby and we're so proud that you're our little boy. God is so good to us.
You're starting to squeal now.... not just happy sounds but loud squeals and the louder the sounds, the happier you are. It cracks us up when you try and talk to us. It takes your whole body to make those loud sounds that you make.... it's almost as if the sounds only come out when your legs and arms are flailing.
A typical day with you goes like this:
You wake up smiling.... ALWAYS. You're so happy in the mornings. You smile and kick around non-stop for nearly 30-45 minutes. When Daddy is home, we lift you over our heads in the bed and fly you around. We call you 'fearless fly baby' and make buzzing sounds. You love it. When it's just the two of us.... we lay in bed for awhile and play & sing until it's time for a diaper change and after that you lay in the floor and kick around. You love diaper changes now.... much more so than you did in that first month. You used to scream when we'd change your diaper and now you just kick and squeal.... and pee on us when you get the chance. Yesterday we made the mistake of changing you in the bed so you peed on mommy, daddy, the bed, and onto the floor. It was an enormous mess to say the least but we laughed the whole time you were peeing uncontrollably. I guess it was the first time you peed the bed..... and it was funny. 
After your diaper change and your breakfast.... you'll usually watch Winnie the Pooh or Mickey Mouse while mommy cleans. You also chew your fists, kick your feet, and yell at the furniture and the TV. When it's not raining.... we always take walks. I put you in the Baby Bjorn carrier and we head outside. I think this is my favorite time of day and probably yours too because you ALWAYS enjoy your walks. Usually you'll fall asleep on the way home and then it's naptime.
After your diaper change and your breakfast.... you'll usually watch Winnie the Pooh or Mickey Mouse while mommy cleans. You also chew your fists, kick your feet, and yell at the furniture and the TV. When it's not raining.... we always take walks. I put you in the Baby Bjorn carrier and we head outside. I think this is my favorite time of day and probably yours too because you ALWAYS enjoy your walks. Usually you'll fall asleep on the way home and then it's naptime. After naptime.... it's time to eat again and then we'll take pictures and play with your toys until Daddy comes home from work. In the evenings.... we all make dinner together (sometimes with you in the Baby Bjorn) and then take another walk or enjoy some family time on the couch. On days that I work.... you and Daddy pick me up at 7:30, we're home by 8 and we have dinner and some family time before bed.
We celebrated my first Mother's Day this month. It was perfect.... I couldn't have asked for more. Daddy made us breakfast, we went to church, out to lunch with family, and you and I swung on a tree swing for an hour or so to finish off the day. Daddy took a few pictures of us while we swung and I know I'll cherish those for years to come.
Your well baby check-up this month revealed that you're 13 pounds, 2 ounces and 26 inches long! You're in the 90th percentile for height and in the 60th for weight.... so you're a long skinny thing. Dr. Butler also gave us the go-ahead to start introducing some other types of food. You seem to be catching onto that well. You've had carrots, applesauce, and bananas so far and we haven't heard any complaints yet. We're only trying it once or twice a week for now as you don't really require it to have a full belly. We just want to gently ease these new foods into your diet.
Some exciting things happening in your life right now: Mommy & Daddy are looking for a house and a car.... this is pretty exciting. Your cousin is close to making his or her grand appearance. Amber & Kevin are due to have their little one in August and we're looking forward to you having another little baby to stare at. You seem to love the mirror so we know that you'll love the new baby in the family.
Some exciting things happening in your life right now: Mommy & Daddy are looking for a house and a car.... this is pretty exciting. Your cousin is close to making his or her grand appearance. Amber & Kevin are due to have their little one in August and we're looking forward to you having another little baby to stare at. You seem to love the mirror so we know that you'll love the new baby in the family. Well.... as with every other monthly newsletter~ this has to come to an end eventually. We love you Carterbug. You're incredible. Thank you for everything you bring into our lives. As always.... we look forward to seeing what this next month has to bring.
Love, Mommy
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Dear God,
For my very first Mother's Day ~ could you pleeeeeeease send me a remote that will allow me to pause life for a little bit......
..... so that I can stare at his cute, drooly, chubby little face for as long as I want to......
..... so that I can stand next to the pond and listen to the fountain with him in my arms for as long as I want to.....
..... so that we can spend 20 more minutes laying on a blanket in the grass, just the 3 of us, before the sun goes down......
..... so that his chubby little thighs will stay chubby and never grow long & thin......
..... so that he'll think I'm the coolest thing EVER for as long as I want him to......
..... so that we can continue to gauge his happiness based on how big he opens his mouth when he smiles.....
..... and so that these incredible, precious, amazing little everyday moments with him can last forever and ever.......
..... so that I can stare at his cute, drooly, chubby little face for as long as I want to......
..... so that I can stand next to the pond and listen to the fountain with him in my arms for as long as I want to.....
..... so that we can spend 20 more minutes laying on a blanket in the grass, just the 3 of us, before the sun goes down......
..... so that his chubby little thighs will stay chubby and never grow long & thin......
..... so that he'll think I'm the coolest thing EVER for as long as I want him to......
..... so that we can continue to gauge his happiness based on how big he opens his mouth when he smiles.....
..... and so that these incredible, precious, amazing little everyday moments with him can last forever and ever.......
Sunday, May 3, 2009
so much to tell, so much to share..... so little time
As Carter has gotten older.... he takes fewer naps....
.... which leaves less time for mommy to get things done.
So~ this poor neglected blog has fewer posts.
He's TEN weeks already. Amazing. He's just recently found his hands and he loves to gobble them up in his mouth. We find him frequently with a nice puddle of drool on his tops, smiling away with half of a fist stuck in his mouth. He's so stinking adorable. I'm going to try to figure out how to get a video posted on here soon.... my computer is from the stone age and it takes 20 minutes to do anything simple with it. Now that I'm a working woman.... I'm hoping to invest in a new computer soon so that we can share more videos and things without it taking an entire day to load them.
I have some pictures I'm going through this afternoon so some 10 week pictures are on their way.
My new job is fabulous.... I'm fortunate to be where I'm at. I just wish I could get the hang of things. Experience will bring about confidence, I'm sure. All the meds I'm not familiar with, treatments I'm not familiar with, procedures I'm not familiar with..... they will come. (hopefully)
And while I enjoyed myself at work this week, I still didn't make it a single day without tears. I miss Carter so much that my stomach aches while I'm at work. Everyone promises that it will get better in time..... but it doesn't seem to have gotten any easier yet.
Well... if I don't stop with my blabbering, I'll never get to those pictures. So the point of this blog: well, it doesn't seem to have much of one. Just warning that time is flying and letting on that having a new baby at home makes us very busy.... as if you hadn't already assumed that.
I'll be back today or tomorrow with some good pictures of our little man. ~ J.
.... which leaves less time for mommy to get things done.
So~ this poor neglected blog has fewer posts.
He's TEN weeks already. Amazing. He's just recently found his hands and he loves to gobble them up in his mouth. We find him frequently with a nice puddle of drool on his tops, smiling away with half of a fist stuck in his mouth. He's so stinking adorable. I'm going to try to figure out how to get a video posted on here soon.... my computer is from the stone age and it takes 20 minutes to do anything simple with it. Now that I'm a working woman.... I'm hoping to invest in a new computer soon so that we can share more videos and things without it taking an entire day to load them.
I have some pictures I'm going through this afternoon so some 10 week pictures are on their way.
My new job is fabulous.... I'm fortunate to be where I'm at. I just wish I could get the hang of things. Experience will bring about confidence, I'm sure. All the meds I'm not familiar with, treatments I'm not familiar with, procedures I'm not familiar with..... they will come. (hopefully)
And while I enjoyed myself at work this week, I still didn't make it a single day without tears. I miss Carter so much that my stomach aches while I'm at work. Everyone promises that it will get better in time..... but it doesn't seem to have gotten any easier yet.
Well... if I don't stop with my blabbering, I'll never get to those pictures. So the point of this blog: well, it doesn't seem to have much of one. Just warning that time is flying and letting on that having a new baby at home makes us very busy.... as if you hadn't already assumed that.
I'll be back today or tomorrow with some good pictures of our little man. ~ J.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
.... making lemonade
I was truly distraught this morning, in all honesty. Tomorrow is the dreaded day. After I cried for a good little while, I thanked God for all of our blessings and I carried on knowing that today was going to be good.
.... and it has been.
Things I am thankful for the day before going back to work.....
1. My marriage. It's not perfect. No one has a perfect marriage. But I like to think that it's as close to perfect as it can get.
2. My son. For obvious reasons.
3. My job. I've worked so hard to get where I am but God has also been there to open up sooo many doors. I knew going into nursing school that I was interested in cancer care.... I'm not sure why.... it just seemed to be something I thought I would be good at.
After a lot of discouraging comments from nursing instructors (i.e.: "There are very few oncology jobs out there" & "You can't work in oncology if you're pregnant or breastfeeding") I had nearly given up on doing what I really wanted to do. In December.... it turned out that I was 'accidentally' placed in oncology for my capstone experience and they just so happened to have a position available. The rest is history. God knew exactly where He wanted me to be and He made it happen.... just like He always does.
4. My past. Every single little thing, good or bad, has gotten me to where I am right this minute and I couldn't love where I'm at in this moment anymore than I do.
5. This weather. The rain, the storms, the clouds. I have always been a huge fan of thunderstorms. I asked God for a good day today and it rained. It's always a good day when it rains.
6. Family. Our little family & both of our big families. Even the goofy, annoying stuff.... and everyone has the goofy annoying stuff.
7. Life. It isn't always what we expect it to be. There are sucky times.... gobs of moments that we wish didn't happen. But it all comes together in the end. As much as I truly hate this saying.... it is true: everything happens for a reason. ugh.... I hate even typing that out.
8. And this:
This man. This little boy. Those smiles. The sweet interactions between the two of them. The quiet afternoons at home when we all just enjoy life and eachother. Carter loves his daddy, his daddy loves him, and I love them both sooo much.
.... and it has been.
Things I am thankful for the day before going back to work.....
1. My marriage. It's not perfect. No one has a perfect marriage. But I like to think that it's as close to perfect as it can get.
2. My son. For obvious reasons.
3. My job. I've worked so hard to get where I am but God has also been there to open up sooo many doors. I knew going into nursing school that I was interested in cancer care.... I'm not sure why.... it just seemed to be something I thought I would be good at.
After a lot of discouraging comments from nursing instructors (i.e.: "There are very few oncology jobs out there" & "You can't work in oncology if you're pregnant or breastfeeding") I had nearly given up on doing what I really wanted to do. In December.... it turned out that I was 'accidentally' placed in oncology for my capstone experience and they just so happened to have a position available. The rest is history. God knew exactly where He wanted me to be and He made it happen.... just like He always does.
4. My past. Every single little thing, good or bad, has gotten me to where I am right this minute and I couldn't love where I'm at in this moment anymore than I do.
5. This weather. The rain, the storms, the clouds. I have always been a huge fan of thunderstorms. I asked God for a good day today and it rained. It's always a good day when it rains.
6. Family. Our little family & both of our big families. Even the goofy, annoying stuff.... and everyone has the goofy annoying stuff.
7. Life. It isn't always what we expect it to be. There are sucky times.... gobs of moments that we wish didn't happen. But it all comes together in the end. As much as I truly hate this saying.... it is true: everything happens for a reason. ugh.... I hate even typing that out.
8. And this:
This man. This little boy. Those smiles. The sweet interactions between the two of them. The quiet afternoons at home when we all just enjoy life and eachother. Carter loves his daddy, his daddy loves him, and I love them both sooo much.Hope you're having a great day too..... thanks for checking in on us~ J.
*please say a quick prayer for Carter & I.... that we'll adjust okay to being away from eachother as I head back to work. I'm sure that all will be wonderful with him.... he has wonderful grandparents to care for him.... it's really mommy that really needs the prayers.....
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Week 9
Things have slowed down a little bit now that I've passed the NCLEX exam..... and they'll pick up here again this week as I go back to work, something I've been dreading to be perfectly honest.
I'm blessed to have my dream job... an incredible job description and an incredible group of women to work beside.... but nothing is more special than spending the day with my son. I just keep thanking God that when I'm not with Carter I'm able to make a living helping others. I wouldn't separate from him for anything less.
oh well.... enough of my pouting.... on with some new pictures:
here's Carterbug so far in week 9.... getting chubbier and more beautiful by the day. He even looks good in his daddy's 80's clothes (pictures 2,3,&4).
alright... off to watch a movie with Zach now that the little guy is down for the night. ~ J.
I'm blessed to have my dream job... an incredible job description and an incredible group of women to work beside.... but nothing is more special than spending the day with my son. I just keep thanking God that when I'm not with Carter I'm able to make a living helping others. I wouldn't separate from him for anything less.
oh well.... enough of my pouting.... on with some new pictures:
here's Carterbug so far in week 9.... getting chubbier and more beautiful by the day. He even looks good in his daddy's 80's clothes (pictures 2,3,&4).
alright... off to watch a movie with Zach now that the little guy is down for the night. ~ J.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
28183918A
This is my nursing liscense number! I passed!
It's an amazing day here in the Wolma household.... we are both very excited and I'm still in a state of shock.
As difficult as that test was~ I'm very proud of myself for passing it. :)
What a pleasant suprise..... and an amazing relief. Now.... we're off to celebrate with a nice breakfast out and some shopping.
It's an amazing day here in the Wolma household.... we are both very excited and I'm still in a state of shock.
As difficult as that test was~ I'm very proud of myself for passing it. :)
What a pleasant suprise..... and an amazing relief. Now.... we're off to celebrate with a nice breakfast out and some shopping.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
American Idol Predictions
So... the week before Carter was born.... American Idol started and we've been watching it ever since. In fact, the night that my induction was started.... we were totally into American Idol in our hospital room. Every week... we look forward to hanging out with a big bowl of Amish popcorn and enjoying American Idol.
And now.... we're making our predictions for the finals:
Jamie says:
Lil Rounds & Anoop will go home tomorrow night.... and Matt will go home next week.... making the top 4: Adam, Allison, Danny, and Chris. In that order.
Zach agrees.
And we both, of course, agree that Leroy Wells was the best to ever audition on American Idol. We go back and refresh our memories on his fabulous audition now and then.... and we laugh so hard that we nearly fall off of the couch.
Please.... if you haven't seen the vocal stylings of Leroy Wells.... you should watch this today:
Now.... can you dig it?
And now.... we're making our predictions for the finals:
Jamie says:
Lil Rounds & Anoop will go home tomorrow night.... and Matt will go home next week.... making the top 4: Adam, Allison, Danny, and Chris. In that order.
Zach agrees.
And we both, of course, agree that Leroy Wells was the best to ever audition on American Idol. We go back and refresh our memories on his fabulous audition now and then.... and we laugh so hard that we nearly fall off of the couch.
Please.... if you haven't seen the vocal stylings of Leroy Wells.... you should watch this today:
Now.... can you dig it?
blog therapy, self-help, my hero husband, and some pictures of Carter too.
So... I took my nursing liscensure exam.... the huge big scary exam that all nursing students talk about and dread throughout their nursing school careers. I took it yesterday.
And even with my half-full personality... I'll admit that it's 99% likely that I failed. It was HARD. I expected it to be difficult but I didn't expect to have 20+ questions thrown at me about things I had never heard of. I didn't expect to see the names of diseases I had never heard of or medications that didn't ring a bell. How can we possibly know them all? We can't.
I took 3 sample exams on Sunday and all 3 exams said that I was in the 'above average' and the 'excellent' category. They assured me that I was more than ready for the NCLEX and I believed them.
They had to have lied.
I wasn't prepared for what that test had to offer and I'll be the first to admit that if I did happen to pass that test.... I certainly don't deserve to pass because I didn't know what the heck it was talking about half of the time. It was a huge suprise to me and I left feeling like a complete idiot, just after arriving there feeling totally prepared.
Oh well. such is life. I have a gorgeous healthy boy, a beautiful husband, a wonderful job... and that test can be taken again next month.
So~ on with the day: I wasn't completely prepared for what awaited me when I came home either:
Carter stripped down to a diaper in the center of a living room that looked like it had just been hit by Katrina's sister.
Zach's babysitting grade for the day: we won't go there. He tried though.... I'll give him that.
Change of subject:
I read a passage this morning on a woman's blog who is diagnosed with ADD and I felt like I was reading an entry in my own journal. I've jokingly mentioned to Zach in the past couple of years that I have ADD. He gets onto me sometimes about losing things all over the place and forgetting things all the time. Not to mention... if you know me at all- you know that I love to hop from one topic to another in conversation with no warning. As my mom would say... "there's a party going on in my head". The strangest part of it all: I'm a totally different person at work. At work.... I'm able to stay organized and focused and I have a very orderly way of doing things.... no getting lost or forgetting. When I get home... it's a different story. Good thing I'm able to seperate the two lives because no one wants a nurse who forgets.
I think everyone has their shortcomings.... their little obstacles and quirky personality characteristics that make them unique and sometimes weird. I self-diagnosed myself with a lot of different things in nursing school.... I think we all did. You're not a normal nursing student if you don't come out of it with a list of diseases and disorders that you're sure to have.
All joking aside though.... I've figured out just in the past week what a hero my husband is for living with me. I have to be the most difficult person to live with.
I have to have a clean & orderly living environment. Anyone who has been over knows this. I go crazy sometimes about the dishes, the laundry, a messy stovetop, the bathroom floor.... it all drives me so crazy if it's not clean. Zach likes to be clean too but he's not as much of a fanatic as I am about it. And thank God for him because if he didn't help clean.... I would always be a raving lunatic.
I get completely overwhelmed... sometimes my head is so full of images, ideas, goals and projects that I feel like I am going to explode. I always have these glorious plans and ideas but I can't always find the best way to move forward... to turn all the static into something tangible... this is one of the greatest challenges that I face. Unfortunately, I have burned some bridges in the past because my ability to deliver doesn't always match my desire. I want to do so many things, and I think I can handle it...but sometimes I can't...and I am not good at admitting I have bitten off more than I can chew.
This is typical ADD by the way... juggling too many balls in the air, and then having serious issues getting started on things. Lists are my best friend and my worst enemy. I have to write things down so I get them done, but I get really frustrated with myself when I don't have a check next to everything. I need to get my prioritization in check too...sometimes I think everything is as important as everything else. Everything I need to do can't compete for first place, right? No wonder I feel like I am losing it sometimes.....
But the good news for me (and for Zach) is: This chaos has gotten so much better since Carter has been here. I'm figuring out more about my limitations. I'm saying 'no' more often. I'm focusing on what's best for him, what's capable for me to handle, and what we can do as a small little family unit to make life as smooth and enjoyable as possible. I still have the big dreams and ideas but I try not to beat myself up when I get a few weeks behind on his baby book or I don't have all the dishes put away.
Speaking of which.... those of you who receive his announcements in the mail this week: Yes, they say something about Easter and Easter is already gone....
....please kindly think back to this blog about crazy ideas when you ask yourself- "Why is she just now sending these out?"
So... Zach is a true saint for dealing with my OCD craziness in keeping our place clean and with my ADD ways of losing my keys, my shoes, and my mind when I get overwhelmed with all the unrealistic goals I set.
And Carter is an amazing little man for changing this aspect of my life. I'm getting better on a daily basis thanks to him & Zach. He helps me to stop and smell the coffee sometimes.... to just chill out and try to focus on one moment at a time instead of the hundred things I'd like to be accomplishing. And I don't beat myself up as much because I'm really good at something now.
At the end of the day- if the laundry is still in a pile and the floor needs cleaned, if I was late getting to the hairdresser and my keys are nowhere to be found~ God loves me, Carter loves me, Zach loves me, and I love them. I'm not advocating procrastination in any way by admitting that it's okay if the scrapbook and the laundry get done tomorrow.... it's not the end of the world.
Okay.... so now with the pictures. I'll give you what you really wanted to see when you signed on. :)
And even with my half-full personality... I'll admit that it's 99% likely that I failed. It was HARD. I expected it to be difficult but I didn't expect to have 20+ questions thrown at me about things I had never heard of. I didn't expect to see the names of diseases I had never heard of or medications that didn't ring a bell. How can we possibly know them all? We can't.
I took 3 sample exams on Sunday and all 3 exams said that I was in the 'above average' and the 'excellent' category. They assured me that I was more than ready for the NCLEX and I believed them.
They had to have lied.
I wasn't prepared for what that test had to offer and I'll be the first to admit that if I did happen to pass that test.... I certainly don't deserve to pass because I didn't know what the heck it was talking about half of the time. It was a huge suprise to me and I left feeling like a complete idiot, just after arriving there feeling totally prepared.
Oh well. such is life. I have a gorgeous healthy boy, a beautiful husband, a wonderful job... and that test can be taken again next month.
So~ on with the day: I wasn't completely prepared for what awaited me when I came home either:
Carter stripped down to a diaper in the center of a living room that looked like it had just been hit by Katrina's sister.
Zach's babysitting grade for the day: we won't go there. He tried though.... I'll give him that.
Change of subject:
I read a passage this morning on a woman's blog who is diagnosed with ADD and I felt like I was reading an entry in my own journal. I've jokingly mentioned to Zach in the past couple of years that I have ADD. He gets onto me sometimes about losing things all over the place and forgetting things all the time. Not to mention... if you know me at all- you know that I love to hop from one topic to another in conversation with no warning. As my mom would say... "there's a party going on in my head". The strangest part of it all: I'm a totally different person at work. At work.... I'm able to stay organized and focused and I have a very orderly way of doing things.... no getting lost or forgetting. When I get home... it's a different story. Good thing I'm able to seperate the two lives because no one wants a nurse who forgets.
I think everyone has their shortcomings.... their little obstacles and quirky personality characteristics that make them unique and sometimes weird. I self-diagnosed myself with a lot of different things in nursing school.... I think we all did. You're not a normal nursing student if you don't come out of it with a list of diseases and disorders that you're sure to have.
All joking aside though.... I've figured out just in the past week what a hero my husband is for living with me. I have to be the most difficult person to live with.
I have to have a clean & orderly living environment. Anyone who has been over knows this. I go crazy sometimes about the dishes, the laundry, a messy stovetop, the bathroom floor.... it all drives me so crazy if it's not clean. Zach likes to be clean too but he's not as much of a fanatic as I am about it. And thank God for him because if he didn't help clean.... I would always be a raving lunatic.
I get completely overwhelmed... sometimes my head is so full of images, ideas, goals and projects that I feel like I am going to explode. I always have these glorious plans and ideas but I can't always find the best way to move forward... to turn all the static into something tangible... this is one of the greatest challenges that I face. Unfortunately, I have burned some bridges in the past because my ability to deliver doesn't always match my desire. I want to do so many things, and I think I can handle it...but sometimes I can't...and I am not good at admitting I have bitten off more than I can chew.
This is typical ADD by the way... juggling too many balls in the air, and then having serious issues getting started on things. Lists are my best friend and my worst enemy. I have to write things down so I get them done, but I get really frustrated with myself when I don't have a check next to everything. I need to get my prioritization in check too...sometimes I think everything is as important as everything else. Everything I need to do can't compete for first place, right? No wonder I feel like I am losing it sometimes.....
But the good news for me (and for Zach) is: This chaos has gotten so much better since Carter has been here. I'm figuring out more about my limitations. I'm saying 'no' more often. I'm focusing on what's best for him, what's capable for me to handle, and what we can do as a small little family unit to make life as smooth and enjoyable as possible. I still have the big dreams and ideas but I try not to beat myself up when I get a few weeks behind on his baby book or I don't have all the dishes put away.
Speaking of which.... those of you who receive his announcements in the mail this week: Yes, they say something about Easter and Easter is already gone....
....please kindly think back to this blog about crazy ideas when you ask yourself- "Why is she just now sending these out?"
So... Zach is a true saint for dealing with my OCD craziness in keeping our place clean and with my ADD ways of losing my keys, my shoes, and my mind when I get overwhelmed with all the unrealistic goals I set.
And Carter is an amazing little man for changing this aspect of my life. I'm getting better on a daily basis thanks to him & Zach. He helps me to stop and smell the coffee sometimes.... to just chill out and try to focus on one moment at a time instead of the hundred things I'd like to be accomplishing. And I don't beat myself up as much because I'm really good at something now.
At the end of the day- if the laundry is still in a pile and the floor needs cleaned, if I was late getting to the hairdresser and my keys are nowhere to be found~ God loves me, Carter loves me, Zach loves me, and I love them. I'm not advocating procrastination in any way by admitting that it's okay if the scrapbook and the laundry get done tomorrow.... it's not the end of the world.
Okay.... so now with the pictures. I'll give you what you really wanted to see when you signed on. :)
Isn't he handsome? He just blows us away everyday with his precious-ness. :)
Thanks for stopping by to check on us.... xoxo~ Jamie
Monday, April 20, 2009
Carter's First Easter
Finally! A quiet opportunity for me to tell about C's first Easter. I've been entirely too occupied with studying this past week for my nursing liscensure examination (no results yet)...
On Easter morning~ Carter spent a good amount of time playing with Daddy in his pj's. I LOVE morning times with Carter & Zach. They play while I get ready and then the three of us play together for awhile: look how chubby he's getting!
After I was ready.... C got his cute little Easter outfit on & his bunny hat and we were off to church:
After church.... it was off to Aunt Maggies where Carter enjoyed some time with great-papa:
and... Aunt Maggie. Speaking of whom.... Aunt Maggie's bunny brought Carter the new Winnie The Pooh movie and he LOVES it (for about 20 minutes).....
... and then Great-Nana. He gets passed around quite a bit at family gatherings. I wish I had taken more pictures. Ha! You're probably falling out of your chair, I know.... but it's true. I should have taken more pictures on Easter. 
Nana & Papa's bunny left some matching sweatshirts for all the girls so we donned them for a quick picture out on the porch with our favorite stud:
After a delicious Easter dinner at Aunt Mag's.... it was off to the Wolma's for the adult Easter egg hunt where Zach and I won $25!! (yes... that is me on the right with the sweatshirt over the dress~ I am striving to start a new fashion statement)
A nice portrait of Jason & Amanda after the hunt:
.... and Reece was enjoying the plastic eggs on the porch so I snapped a picture of him too:
After the hunt.... we all ventured inside to spend some more time with Carter. He was being passed around again and unfortunately, I only snapped a picture of him with cousin Heather:
....all the little ones in the family admired him. It's amazing how cute we all think he is.... even when he's being burped. :)
And after the day was done.... we were sure to get a quick family picture before we headed home for a nap and a movie: 
Overall.... it couldn't have been anymore perfect. Only if Aunt Amber & Uncle Kevin had been home and if Grandma & Grandpa Wolma had felt better. But none-the-less.... we worshiped Jesus & spent our day with a beautiful healthy boy surrounded by wonderful family members and friends. It was awesome.... truly truly awesome.
On Easter morning~ Carter spent a good amount of time playing with Daddy in his pj's. I LOVE morning times with Carter & Zach. They play while I get ready and then the three of us play together for awhile: look how chubby he's getting!
After I was ready.... C got his cute little Easter outfit on & his bunny hat and we were off to church:
After church.... it was off to Aunt Maggies where Carter enjoyed some time with great-papa:
and... Aunt Maggie. Speaking of whom.... Aunt Maggie's bunny brought Carter the new Winnie The Pooh movie and he LOVES it (for about 20 minutes).....
... and then Great-Nana. He gets passed around quite a bit at family gatherings. I wish I had taken more pictures. Ha! You're probably falling out of your chair, I know.... but it's true. I should have taken more pictures on Easter. 
Nana & Papa's bunny left some matching sweatshirts for all the girls so we donned them for a quick picture out on the porch with our favorite stud:
After a delicious Easter dinner at Aunt Mag's.... it was off to the Wolma's for the adult Easter egg hunt where Zach and I won $25!! (yes... that is me on the right with the sweatshirt over the dress~ I am striving to start a new fashion statement)
A nice portrait of Jason & Amanda after the hunt:
.... and Reece was enjoying the plastic eggs on the porch so I snapped a picture of him too:
After the hunt.... we all ventured inside to spend some more time with Carter. He was being passed around again and unfortunately, I only snapped a picture of him with cousin Heather:
....all the little ones in the family admired him. It's amazing how cute we all think he is.... even when he's being burped. :)
And after the day was done.... we were sure to get a quick family picture before we headed home for a nap and a movie: 
Overall.... it couldn't have been anymore perfect. Only if Aunt Amber & Uncle Kevin had been home and if Grandma & Grandpa Wolma had felt better. But none-the-less.... we worshiped Jesus & spent our day with a beautiful healthy boy surrounded by wonderful family members and friends. It was awesome.... truly truly awesome. Thursday, April 16, 2009
Dear Carter . Month 2
Carter,
My gorgeous boy…. You amaze me. Every single little thing about you. You’re perfect in my eyes & in the eyes of so many others. God made you so wonderful.
This past month has flown by all that much quicker than the first. You’re growing so fast it’s as if we’re slipping Miracle Grow into your nightly bottle. 12 pounds and 6 ounces now…. and 23 inches long. This month brought about your first smile.... the open mouth no-tooth smile that completely melts my heart every time. You’re starting to smile more and more everyday, particularly in the mornings. You LOVE the mornings. You wake up, stretch for a good while, and then smile at mommy for at least 20-30 minutes before you’re ready to be changed and have a nice breakfast. After breakfast it’s playtime and a nap…. after which the cycle repeats itself again and again until the day is done. Such is the life of a 2 month old I guess. Must be rough.
This month also brought about other exciting things like your very first Easter and the slow disappearance of your infamous chicken legs. You’re getting chubbier and chubbier… clothes that once swallowed you up are starting to fit you well. Your growth is astounding. Your hair is getting thicker and longer…. and your beautiful eyes are still a slate gray… still looking more blue than brown. It’s evident, not just to mommy but to others as well, that you are looking more and more like your daddy with each day.
Your personality is starting to show through a bit and you’re developing more and more likes and dislikes. Some of your favorite things include walks outside with mommy & daddy in the afternoons, bath time, your great-grandpas, your Mortimer Moose toy, blowing spit bubbles, a clean diaper, photo shoots with mommy, the Winnie the Pooh movie from Aunt Margaret, Cindy Lou Who hair doos, and reading books in your rocking chair. Your dislikes: wet diapers, an empty belly, a nap cut too short, the car seat, the car seat, the car seat, the cats being too close to your face, and going for walks when it’s windy. You also hate the taste of your new medicine and you’re not very big on taking a bottle either.
Just this week…. We took a trip to the doctor where you were diagnosed with possible allergy issues and reflux. You’ve been given some medicine that has turned you into a new man. The sad part is: not as many of your little raccoon noises. Daddy and I just realized this morning that you’re not grunting nearly as much since we've started you on the new medicine.
Pictures, pictures, pictures….. we have just a few of you. We’re still doing well on the photo-a-day project. We have at least one picture from each day of your life thus far and plan to continue. It’s been a lot of fun having a small daily photo session and you don’t seem to mind it. The camera has become pretty familiar to you and you’re starting to smile when I put it in front of my face. 
We love you sweetheart…. more and more every single day. It’s still so hard for us to comprehend that you’re ours. We still look at you with just as much amazement as we did in those first minutes of your life. We look so forward to our future with you and we’re confident that this love that we have for you and our new little family will continue to grow. Thank you for making our lives so awesome and so full of joy. We can't wait to see what this next month brings about....
My gorgeous boy…. You amaze me. Every single little thing about you. You’re perfect in my eyes & in the eyes of so many others. God made you so wonderful.
This past month has flown by all that much quicker than the first. You’re growing so fast it’s as if we’re slipping Miracle Grow into your nightly bottle. 12 pounds and 6 ounces now…. and 23 inches long. This month brought about your first smile.... the open mouth no-tooth smile that completely melts my heart every time. You’re starting to smile more and more everyday, particularly in the mornings. You LOVE the mornings. You wake up, stretch for a good while, and then smile at mommy for at least 20-30 minutes before you’re ready to be changed and have a nice breakfast. After breakfast it’s playtime and a nap…. after which the cycle repeats itself again and again until the day is done. Such is the life of a 2 month old I guess. Must be rough.
This month also brought about other exciting things like your very first Easter and the slow disappearance of your infamous chicken legs. You’re getting chubbier and chubbier… clothes that once swallowed you up are starting to fit you well. Your growth is astounding. Your hair is getting thicker and longer…. and your beautiful eyes are still a slate gray… still looking more blue than brown. It’s evident, not just to mommy but to others as well, that you are looking more and more like your daddy with each day.
Your personality is starting to show through a bit and you’re developing more and more likes and dislikes. Some of your favorite things include walks outside with mommy & daddy in the afternoons, bath time, your great-grandpas, your Mortimer Moose toy, blowing spit bubbles, a clean diaper, photo shoots with mommy, the Winnie the Pooh movie from Aunt Margaret, Cindy Lou Who hair doos, and reading books in your rocking chair. Your dislikes: wet diapers, an empty belly, a nap cut too short, the car seat, the car seat, the car seat, the cats being too close to your face, and going for walks when it’s windy. You also hate the taste of your new medicine and you’re not very big on taking a bottle either.
Just this week…. We took a trip to the doctor where you were diagnosed with possible allergy issues and reflux. You’ve been given some medicine that has turned you into a new man. The sad part is: not as many of your little raccoon noises. Daddy and I just realized this morning that you’re not grunting nearly as much since we've started you on the new medicine.
Pictures, pictures, pictures….. we have just a few of you. We’re still doing well on the photo-a-day project. We have at least one picture from each day of your life thus far and plan to continue. It’s been a lot of fun having a small daily photo session and you don’t seem to mind it. The camera has become pretty familiar to you and you’re starting to smile when I put it in front of my face. 
We love you sweetheart…. more and more every single day. It’s still so hard for us to comprehend that you’re ours. We still look at you with just as much amazement as we did in those first minutes of your life. We look so forward to our future with you and we’re confident that this love that we have for you and our new little family will continue to grow. Thank you for making our lives so awesome and so full of joy. We can't wait to see what this next month brings about....
a break from our regularly scheduled blogging.....
A woman named Susan stepped onto the stage of Britain's Got Talent just a few nights ago and shared her dream with the audience & the judges. She is 47 years old... not married and never even been kissed. She has dreamt of being a singer since she was 12 but had never been given the opportunity to sing in front of anyone. She donned very ordinary clothing and a 'cheeky' grin.
As she stood upon that big stage.... she was criticized given dirty looks by the audience. They snickered under their breath and even went as far as to laugh at her.
If you have a few minutes and haven't heard Susan sing~ please go watch this video.
What incredible evidence of undiscovered talent in this world and of disregarded citizens.... and what a valuable lesson in not judging in a book by it's cover.
I'll be back this evening with Carter's 2 month post & some recent pictures! Sorry for the lack of recent updates.... I've been terribly bogged down with studying for my nursing liscensure exam.... yuck.
As she stood upon that big stage.... she was criticized given dirty looks by the audience. They snickered under their breath and even went as far as to laugh at her.
If you have a few minutes and haven't heard Susan sing~ please go watch this video.
What incredible evidence of undiscovered talent in this world and of disregarded citizens.... and what a valuable lesson in not judging in a book by it's cover.
I'll be back this evening with Carter's 2 month post & some recent pictures! Sorry for the lack of recent updates.... I've been terribly bogged down with studying for my nursing liscensure exam.... yuck.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Week 5 Favorites
[ first time in his bebe pod . he did really well considering it's meant for babies ages 3-6 months ]
[ posing with daddy's deer ]
[ this is his ... 'yes, I've just peed on my outfit' face ]
[ Carter's first encounter with another baby (and a wild animal) . he was NOT a fan ]Saturday, April 4, 2009
Has your heart melted yet today?
Carter started smiling on the night he was born.... of course those smiles were gas related and they occured, most often, in his sleep. Last Wednesday, I noticed that he was smiling more often when he was awake and he just so happened to be smiling at me when I was doing my ridiculous baby talk shananigans. On Thursday morning, March 26th.... he smiled several times. That afternoon.... I captured this picture.... of his biggest smile that day. Those chubby little cheeks, those 2 little chins, and that big open-mouthed smile melt my heart everytime I see them. He is such an incredible little boy with an incredible little spirit. I'm so thrilled that his happiness is really starting to show.
My heart is a big pile of mushy mess. Ugh.... how I love him!
6 week pajama party
Carter and I took it upon ourselves to celebrate his 6 week birthday in style... with a pajama party! :) Of course.... as with any cute outfit and cute baby combination.... comes pictures. 
Notice the little smile in the last one.... Carterbug smiles now! We have lots of smile pictures to share.... we'll be back soon with those and the five week favorites.
Notice the little smile in the last one.... Carterbug smiles now! We have lots of smile pictures to share.... we'll be back soon with those and the five week favorites. Thanks for checking in~ J, Z, & C
Friday, April 3, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Calling All Single Ladies
Future president with beach-ready body seeking a young lady who loves long naps, warm milk, and clean pants. Must be okay with a mama's boy who prefers to be naked and periodically pees on the floor.
... just kidding... he's already taken. :) But isn't this the cutest baby face you've ever seen? He's definitely a photographer's kid.... look at that pose.
*week 5 favorites coming soon...
Saturday, March 28, 2009
a completely random post
How cool is this? I'm contemplating ordering it for C's big-boy room (that he doesn't have yet). I LOVE it so much but it doesn't match his nursery. Isn't it perfect?
Speaking of optimism.... Carter is an aquarius. I don't typically read much into horoscope mumbo-jumbo but I've always been a half-full kind of girl (I am also an aquarius) and it turns out that this is apparently an aquarian feature. I'm praying that God has blessed Carter with that same optimism. If so... he'll like this print just as much as I do.
I have a fabulous picture of him that I can't wait to share. I'm off to the gas station for some gatorade and when I get back... I'll get to sifting through his pictures to find it & post it.
By the way: Carter had his first mall trip today and he slept through much of it.... typical man. And I learned that it's even worse taking your baby into the baby clothing stores if you have a hat fetish (which I do) because when you put the hat onto the actual baby... you're only that much more convinced to buy it.
ugh. the unfairness of the Baby Gap pricetags. Too many adorable clothes, not enough wealth to buy them all.
Needless to say though... the kid didn't walk out empty-handed.
In other news: Carter will experience his first church service tomorrow morning~ we're really looking forward to it. Hopefully he'll enjoy it with the rest of us and won't freak out about all the loud music and the crowd. We'll soon find out if 5 week old + church = good idea.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!~ be back soon with more pictures & stories of our amazing Carterbug. ~ J.
p.s. He smiled 4 times yesterday and we think they were on purpose! Yippee!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
some week 4 favorites
It seems like this past week has been 'busier'. I'm not sure exactly why.... maybe it's only because I've learned to rest more. I'm taking advantage of more quiet opportunities and taking naps. More naps for me = less time to sift through the hundreds of pictures we've been taking of him.
There are SO many great pictures from this past week.... great little facial expressions & poses. He's becoming more and more beautiful with each day. I'll be posting more soon and doing another slideshow at the end of the month.... but here are just a few favorites from C's 4th week:
[ his eyes are starting to look blue on most days, & some days they look green ] 
[ our sleepy boy ... last Saturday ]
[ last Saturday... again. in his jammies ]
[ sleeping in the boppy ]
[ our little 'chicken legs' ]
[ so serious when he sees the camera ]
[ loved this shirt on him: he looked so handsome in it. Green seems to be his color. ]There are some posts coming soon.... I came across some more wonderful pictures that I want to share in the next few days.
I can't believe that our little boy is 5 weeks old today. Teary eyed mommy is off to snuggle with him before bed.....
goodnight~ thanks for checking in..... J.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Day 34: So far, so good.
Exhausted.
That's what I am.
And I have a new appreciation for single moms. Not that I didn't before.... but now it's at least twenty times what it was or ever has been. I think about single moms in the shower.... that's how much I love single moms.
Carter has his days. Somedays... I can look back at the day when it's nearing an end and think to myself, "What is so hard about having a newborn?" Somedays it truly does seem like a cake-walk.
.... and then there are days like today when I am struggling to keep my eyes open and dying for just a ten minute shower and one hour with no spit-up, leaking boobs, or poopy diapers.
[ It's day 34. Shouldn't things be getting easier? ]
..... This was the thought that crossed my mind at about 4:30 this afternoon when I was putting Carterbug in outfit number 3 (spit up & poop... always). His schedule is still 'getting there'. He's by no means developed a regular routine, although somedays he tricks me and leads me to believe that we're getting much closer.
He's nursing every 2 1/2 hours. Like clockwork. And it takes about 30 minutes to nurse him, burp him, & change him. Getting him to take a nap is like pulling hair out on most days. He doesn't sleep like a typical newborn.... never has. He's very alert, to say the least. When he does fall asleep.... he likes to be cradled and held.
The advice that I got from EVERYONE: "Sleep when he sleeps." How is that possible when my mind is going 100 miles an hour and I have a task list 20 lines long. I still haven't completed the paperwork for his birth certificate that came in the mail 2 weeks ago. It would take 10 minutes tops and it still sits on the counter waiting.....
You are thinking.... he's "spoiled" but is that really possible? Is there such a thing as "spoiled" when you're talking about a baby who is only 34 days old? According to my lactation consultant.... I should chalk this up as typical mammal behavior and be grateful for these days that he wants to be cuddled by his mommy all day..... and I am so grateful, please don't get me wrong.
I love to hold him. In fact, he's curled up in a ball just now on my chest.... sleeping soundly. I could probably pass him off to Daddy.... but if I put him down on the couch.... his grunting would shortly turn into fussing.... and then as soon as he opened up those big eyes and realized that mommy wasn't there.... forget it.
I love all of this snuggling and adoring.... and I'm okay with not being dressed until 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And I'm incredibly grateful, more so than ever, for my husband. He's so involved, so helpful, SUCH a life-saver. I can deal with fitting myself in between feeding & playing & burping & bathing & housework & cooking. (although... in ALL honesty- Zach has cooked nearly EVERY meal since we came home from the hospital and he cleans everyday)
This is all just proof of a very small baby in my world right now.... a very small baby that I love with every bit of my heart.
What did I ever do with all of my time before him?
4 weeks ago.... I had no idea what I was doing. Changing a diaper was an adventure and it was taking Zach and I both to do it. I wondered how God ever thought that I could be capable of taking care of a tiny creature. But Carter has taught me so much since then and he continues to teach me new things everyday.
Everyday is a new adventure with him.
It hasn't been perfect by any means, and yet, it IS perfect.
It's not necessarily getting any easier. I'm still exhausted. But my approach is getting to be slower and calmer. My expectations with each day are the same..... love them even more & get through the day with no serious issues.
So far, so good.
ps. And because a post wouldn't be any good at all without a picture... here's my favorite picture in the whole wide world right now:
.... this one makes me want to jump up and down on the bed. :) I love it. Can't wait to get it blown up nice and big. God has blessed me beyond measure with these two boys....
That's what I am.
And I have a new appreciation for single moms. Not that I didn't before.... but now it's at least twenty times what it was or ever has been. I think about single moms in the shower.... that's how much I love single moms.
Carter has his days. Somedays... I can look back at the day when it's nearing an end and think to myself, "What is so hard about having a newborn?" Somedays it truly does seem like a cake-walk.
.... and then there are days like today when I am struggling to keep my eyes open and dying for just a ten minute shower and one hour with no spit-up, leaking boobs, or poopy diapers.
[ It's day 34. Shouldn't things be getting easier? ]
..... This was the thought that crossed my mind at about 4:30 this afternoon when I was putting Carterbug in outfit number 3 (spit up & poop... always). His schedule is still 'getting there'. He's by no means developed a regular routine, although somedays he tricks me and leads me to believe that we're getting much closer.
He's nursing every 2 1/2 hours. Like clockwork. And it takes about 30 minutes to nurse him, burp him, & change him. Getting him to take a nap is like pulling hair out on most days. He doesn't sleep like a typical newborn.... never has. He's very alert, to say the least. When he does fall asleep.... he likes to be cradled and held.
The advice that I got from EVERYONE: "Sleep when he sleeps." How is that possible when my mind is going 100 miles an hour and I have a task list 20 lines long. I still haven't completed the paperwork for his birth certificate that came in the mail 2 weeks ago. It would take 10 minutes tops and it still sits on the counter waiting.....
You are thinking.... he's "spoiled" but is that really possible? Is there such a thing as "spoiled" when you're talking about a baby who is only 34 days old? According to my lactation consultant.... I should chalk this up as typical mammal behavior and be grateful for these days that he wants to be cuddled by his mommy all day..... and I am so grateful, please don't get me wrong.
I love to hold him. In fact, he's curled up in a ball just now on my chest.... sleeping soundly. I could probably pass him off to Daddy.... but if I put him down on the couch.... his grunting would shortly turn into fussing.... and then as soon as he opened up those big eyes and realized that mommy wasn't there.... forget it.
I love all of this snuggling and adoring.... and I'm okay with not being dressed until 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And I'm incredibly grateful, more so than ever, for my husband. He's so involved, so helpful, SUCH a life-saver. I can deal with fitting myself in between feeding & playing & burping & bathing & housework & cooking. (although... in ALL honesty- Zach has cooked nearly EVERY meal since we came home from the hospital and he cleans everyday)
This is all just proof of a very small baby in my world right now.... a very small baby that I love with every bit of my heart.
What did I ever do with all of my time before him?
4 weeks ago.... I had no idea what I was doing. Changing a diaper was an adventure and it was taking Zach and I both to do it. I wondered how God ever thought that I could be capable of taking care of a tiny creature. But Carter has taught me so much since then and he continues to teach me new things everyday.
Everyday is a new adventure with him.
It hasn't been perfect by any means, and yet, it IS perfect.
It's not necessarily getting any easier. I'm still exhausted. But my approach is getting to be slower and calmer. My expectations with each day are the same..... love them even more & get through the day with no serious issues.
So far, so good.
ps. And because a post wouldn't be any good at all without a picture... here's my favorite picture in the whole wide world right now:
.... this one makes me want to jump up and down on the bed. :) I love it. Can't wait to get it blown up nice and big. God has blessed me beyond measure with these two boys....
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Carter's First Month
I put together this mini-movie of Carter's first month.... a lot of the images have been posted on the blog but there are some new ones and also some video included.
We still can't believe that one month has already passed us by.
Enjoy~
We still can't believe that one month has already passed us by.
Enjoy~
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Dear Carter . Month One
Carterbug,
I can't seem to find the proper words to begin. I'm still so in awe of your existence that I find it hard to grasp that you're here and that I'm even writing this. I find it even more difficult to believe that you've been with us for one entire month. Before you were born.... months went by so slowly compared to this one, particularly the last month that I carried you. I didn't think you'd ever be here.... and then there you were.... one whole month ago.
I imagine that I'll be one of those mommies who sits in her rocking chair at 72 and tells your grandchildren that I remember your birth like it was 'yesterday'. I don't believe that it's possible to ever forget such an awesome experience. Your daddy and I were so excited about your arrival but looking back, we were completely unaware of what was to come. Neither of us had any idea of the immediate love that would flood our hearts for you and for eachother. We had little idea of the hours we would spend in the coming weeks just simply staring at you & taking everything in. We've spent much of these first days in disbelief.... disbelief that you're here, that you're so amazing, and that you're our son. You are a miracle and there is nothing more incredible in our lives. God has truly blessed us beyond measure and I've no idea what we've done to deserve a gift so perfect.
As I write, you're staring right at me with your big beautiful eyes.... and you're making the grunty little raccoon noises that you make. Your little arms are moving all over the place and you have absolutely no coordination ( you get this from your mommy ). I've just had to stop writing and change your diaper because it seems that one of your favorite pasttimes is making a mess all over yourself, clothes included. Thank goodness for all of the newborn clothes because we go through them like mad. I love that you're still so tiny. You're still wearing newborn clothes and newborn diapers.... but the way you were busting out of your top yesterday, it seems that it won't be much longer before you move up in size. I dread the day that I pull one of your 'big' outfits out and it fits you well. Watching you grow has been both incredible and discouraging at the same time. Years from now, I'll look back on this letter and it will surely seem like I wrote it just the day before. That's how life works isn't it? You'll know this all too well soon enough.
I can't seem to find the proper words to begin. I'm still so in awe of your existence that I find it hard to grasp that you're here and that I'm even writing this. I find it even more difficult to believe that you've been with us for one entire month. Before you were born.... months went by so slowly compared to this one, particularly the last month that I carried you. I didn't think you'd ever be here.... and then there you were.... one whole month ago.
I imagine that I'll be one of those mommies who sits in her rocking chair at 72 and tells your grandchildren that I remember your birth like it was 'yesterday'. I don't believe that it's possible to ever forget such an awesome experience. Your daddy and I were so excited about your arrival but looking back, we were completely unaware of what was to come. Neither of us had any idea of the immediate love that would flood our hearts for you and for eachother. We had little idea of the hours we would spend in the coming weeks just simply staring at you & taking everything in. We've spent much of these first days in disbelief.... disbelief that you're here, that you're so amazing, and that you're our son. You are a miracle and there is nothing more incredible in our lives. God has truly blessed us beyond measure and I've no idea what we've done to deserve a gift so perfect.
As I write, you're staring right at me with your big beautiful eyes.... and you're making the grunty little raccoon noises that you make. Your little arms are moving all over the place and you have absolutely no coordination ( you get this from your mommy ). I've just had to stop writing and change your diaper because it seems that one of your favorite pasttimes is making a mess all over yourself, clothes included. Thank goodness for all of the newborn clothes because we go through them like mad. I love that you're still so tiny. You're still wearing newborn clothes and newborn diapers.... but the way you were busting out of your top yesterday, it seems that it won't be much longer before you move up in size. I dread the day that I pull one of your 'big' outfits out and it fits you well. Watching you grow has been both incredible and discouraging at the same time. Years from now, I'll look back on this letter and it will surely seem like I wrote it just the day before. That's how life works isn't it? You'll know this all too well soon enough.One month ago I had no idea what it meant to be a mommy. As much as I beleived that I was ready to take on this mommy-bit... the parenting magazines, books, and advice from other moms didn't begin to prepare me for life with you. I knew how to change a diaper and that's all I knew. What has amazed me in the past month, perhaps more than anything else, is how quickly God is to instill mothering instincts. It's as if the night you were born, I was suddenly a different person. Instantly.... I worried more, I loved more, I knew of a whole new life that I hadn't known any of before. I have never been happier, more appreciative, more intuitive, more in awe, or more in love. Our lives are full of more joy, happiness, and love because you're here. I've never seen your daddy more excited in the 9 years that we've been together than he is when he comes home to see us.
This first month of your life has been the best month of ours. You're still so tiny but so many changes are taking place. You're stronger by the day and really beginning to hold your head up well. You're developing a routine and a preference for things. We're coming to understand your cries better and feel like we're able to finally communicate with you, even if just a little. Your eyes are taking on a darker blue shade and you have the most beautiful skin color, despite the fact that your jaundice has cleared. You're a gorgeous baby, more beautiful than I had imagined you to be.... and I'm confident that you'll grow into a gorgeous boy and a handsome man, just like your daddy. You're so precious, laying here staring up at me. Speaking of which, you're making eye contact more and more everyday and when I talk to you, you make little noises as if you're trying so hard to talk back.
I've tried so hard in the past month to take gobs of pictures of you, trying to capture the beauty that we see in you everyday.... but not a single image has done the job and I've discovered that one never will. There are too many perfect details of you that couldn't ever possibly be captured in one picture and any amount of pictures for that matter. I stare at you sometimes for hours and wonder how I'm ever going to figure out a way to capture this perfect time and this perfect you so that I don't ever forget the details. Realizing that it isn't possible is a little disheartening but also encouraging because I'm compelled to hold you and stare at you for that much longer. I never tire of holding you and admiring the little details about you that add to your perfection. I'm intrigued by your purity and innocence. You have little idea of the things that await you in this world and this is both awesome and scary at the same time. We'll get there though.... with God's help, daddy and I will raise you in the way you should go and prepare you for the world ahead as well as we're able. And of course, along the way.... there will be millions of prayers.
Thank you sweet boy for bringing all of this joy into our lives. You don't comprehend it now but the love that we have for you far surpasses any understanding. You won't ever quite grasp this amazing love until you have a child of your own. Only then will you really begin to discover what life is all about.
I love you so very much and look forward to seeing what this next month holds for us all,
Love, Mommy
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Days 25-27
[ napping with Lexie . day 25 ]
[ sleeping on daddy's lap on St. Patties Day . day 26 ]
[ 4 generations . grandma darleen, zach, great-grandma catherine, & carter . day 26]
[ morning nap . day 27 ]
[ enjoying some warm weather on the porch . day 27 ]
[ holding his head up like a big boy! . day 27 ]I left to go to the store today and came home to find Zach taking pictures of Carter.... these are a couple of the pictures that he took: pretty good huh? Way to go daddy!
[ day 27 ]
[ little toes . day 27 ]
I'll be back tomorrow with Carter's 1 month post! I can't believe it's been one month already. More so than that.... I can't believe what an incredible month it's been. We're still in awe of him every minute.... he never ceases to amaze us with the most simple little things.
xoxo~ Jamie
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy St. Patties Day from Carter
[ Carterbug in his St. Patties day outfit: Photo taken on day 22 ]Day 23 . The Little Things
I almost deleted this picture
1. his hand is blocking his face
2. there's too much noise in the background
3. he's too far away from the camera
4. the lighting isn't favorable
.... the list could go on with imperfections from a photographer's standpoint....
1. his hand is blocking his face
2. there's too much noise in the background
3. he's too far away from the camera
4. the lighting isn't favorable
.... the list could go on with imperfections from a photographer's standpoint....
But from a mommy's standpoint....
..... this picture tells more of a story than any other picture I've posted of him.
1. The pacifier: he NEVER takes one.... I don't know why he did right this minute but you can bet that within 60 seconds of this picture being taken.... that pacifier fell out.
2. The blanket he's wrapped in: way too expensive. It was one of the first things I bought when I found out that I was pregnant. Some fancy muslin wrap.... and I questioned that purchase several times after I made it. You know.... since he's been born- we've used it more than any other blanket and it's simply awesome. You do get what you pay for.... even with baby blankets. I'm so glad that I bought it.
3. The fireplace is on: It can put out heat but I don't ever turn the heat on. I just think it looks pretty. And every month when the electric bill comes in the mail- Zach blames the high numbers on the fireplace. :) We laugh about it although I think he could be right. It is a complete waste of electricity.
4. The tags hanging on the back of his chair: They drive me crazy... have since the day we took it out of the box. One of these days.... I might actually do something about it and cut them off.
5. The red photo album: I bought this album a few weeks before he was born with big plans.... I believed that it should have at least one picture in it for everyday of his first year.... so far, so good.
6. Mylicon Drops: God's gift for mommys like me.... these have been a tremendous lifesaver for us in these past 3+ weeks.
7. The plug in the background: goes to the wipe warmer.... another lifesaver for us. Carter HATED diaper changes in the first 2 weeks. He screamed bloody murder when we changed him.... until we got the wipe warmer. I didn't register for one because I thought they were "silly" and now, I thank God (and Sherry) for wipe warmers with every single diaper change.
Thank goodness I didn't delete this image. I think it's actually one of my favorites. He doesn't have his big beautiful eyes open and he's not looking at the camera. It's not a gorgeous closeup and you can't even see his whole face. But it's the little things that make this time in our life so special and this image showcases so many of those little things.
This is the original image. I didn't brighten it, lighten it, crop it, color enhance it.... it's straight out of the camera. It's perfectly imperfect.
I've promised myself that from here on out.... I'll take more of these simple, everyday images.... and I'll leave them untouched.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Day 22
I know it must seem as if this kiddo is always in one of three places.... in his vibrating chair, his swing, or his boppy. Believe it or not.... he spends very little time anywhere other than in our arms. He may be a little spoiled as he usually refuses to chill out without mommy or daddy near by. Even when he's sleeping.... he prefers to be held and realizes quite quickly when he's not. He wears us both out sometimes.....
Look at his little face though.... how can we resist?
.... we can't.
So we just hold him, squeeze him, kiss on him.... and thank God for this special time because it will go by all too quickly for us to handle.
Day 21 . 3 weeks old!
[ sleeping on the boppy.... again ]
[ hanging out on the couch ]
[ tired of having his picture taken ]
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Carseat Chronicles (Day 20)
When hanging out with Carter in the backseat the other day while daddy went into the sporting goods store for some new golf shoes.... Carter was sweet enough to share this glimpse into infant life with me:
What do babies do in the backseat when we are not paying attention?.....
[ 1. They stare people down ]
[ 2. They pretend to be sleeping ]
[ 3. They stick their tongues out at strangers ]
[ 4. They have pity parties ]
[ 5. They yell at passersby ]
[ 6. They practice their gang signs ]
.... oops .... caught on mommy's camera!
Isn't he awesome? I think so.
3 weeks old already!? Can you believe it?
What do babies do in the backseat when we are not paying attention?.....
[ 1. They stare people down ]
[ 2. They pretend to be sleeping ]
[ 3. They stick their tongues out at strangers ]
[ 4. They have pity parties ]
[ 5. They yell at passersby ]
[ 6. They practice their gang signs ]
.... oops .... caught on mommy's camera!
Isn't he awesome? I think so.3 weeks old already!? Can you believe it?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Days 16-19
[ day 16 . 4 generations . zach, great-grandpa bert, carter, grandpa mark ]
[ day 17 . looking out the window in his bouncy chair ]
[ day 18 . hanging out with mommy in the afternoon ]
[ and yesterday . just after the last blog entry was posted . notice the shirt ]Just after I posted that nice sweet blog yesterday about what a good boy he was.... he woke up and threw a small fit, just in time for us to get cleaned up and go run some errands. So... here was our outfit choice for the afternoon.
I'm confident that Carter is struggling with some reflux issues and we're contacting the doctor this afternoon to see if there's anything we can do to help him. Anyone have any suggestions or advice for baby reflux?... please share.
He and I spent some time hanging out in the parking lot yesterday while daddy was in the store.... and he proved to be quite the character in his car seat.... stay tuned for the car seat chronicles post.... coming soon....
xoxo~ J.
I'm confident that Carter is struggling with some reflux issues and we're contacting the doctor this afternoon to see if there's anything we can do to help him. Anyone have any suggestions or advice for baby reflux?... please share.
He and I spent some time hanging out in the parking lot yesterday while daddy was in the store.... and he proved to be quite the character in his car seat.... stay tuned for the car seat chronicles post.... coming soon....
xoxo~ J.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Motherhood.... at (almost) 3 weeks.....
I've not ever known a parent that doesn't boast about how wonderful their kid is. Most parents will go on and on about how fantastic their child sleeps or behaves.... even if they truly have a raving lunatic at home. It's not uncommon to hear someone who has just had a baby make the comment: "He is such a good baby."
With this being known.... I'm here to admit that Carter is such a good baby.
And in all honesty.... I've not ever birthed a baby before him nor taken care of a baby for 24 hours a day/7 days a week so I don't truly have anything at all to compare him to. I only know that he was awake almost all day yesterday and he slept all night last night.... and that, at 3 weeks, seems like a small miracle. He woke up one time at 2:30 with a wet diaper. I changed him, nursed him, and he went back to sleep until this morning at 8. I changed him, nursed him, and now he's enjoying some quiet time in his vibrating chair. He's peaceful as can be without a complaint in the world (other than the annoying hiccups). I haven't heard a cry out of him since his belly ache on Monday night.
Motherhood really feels like second nature. When I hold him.... it's as if I've been holding him for years. I feel so complete being a mommy that I wonder how we ever got along in life without him. Even after almost three weeks.... Zach still nudges me at night, points over to Carter, and says.... "Look.... it's our baby", as if he just showed up. We're amazed by him and especially amazed at the thought that he's ours to keep.
I'm finally starting to figure out his likes and dislikes, his preferences, and I'm very slowly but surely beginning to recognize his various cries and what they mean. It's been the best 19 days of my life getting to know him.... he's more and more amazing with every day.... and more and more adorable.
Things I love about my son:
1. His smile: He smiles now and then.... particularly when he's just filled up his pants. I assume these smiles are just involuntary but I like to think that he's really happy and just wants to smile in order to let us know.
2. His curiosity: He'll stare at the couch pillows for 30 minutes at a time. He also loves his hands, the ceiling fan, the stripes on his vibrating chair, and the light up contraption we have in his crib. He is so in awe of everything around him.... even the most simple things.
3. His innocence: He's so incredibly sweet and knows of nothing negative in this whole world full of negativity.
4. His perfection: He's perfect in every single way. See pictures in the previous post for proof.
5. Everything: Really.... there isn't a single thing about him that I don't love.... this list could go on forever so I'm not sure why I bothered pretending like I could actually number the things I love about him.
He does something new almost everyday that I love.... this morning when I kissed him after a diaper change.... he tried to eat my nose because he thought it was a boob. It wasn't the first time he's done that~ but I loved it even more today than I did yesterday.
I'm at such a loss for words when it comes to expressing my love for him. I'm so overwhelmed with admiration for him and for Zach that nothing seems to make any sense sometimes. It's as if I'm back in high school with butterflies over some geeky kid.
There is no greater joy in my life right now than to have he and Zach close by.... no matter what we are doing or where we are, I'm the happiest wife and mommy in the world. Every week that goes by... I think that nothing could be better than having a one week old, and then a two week old.... and tomorrow, I'll admit that nothing could be better than having a three week old.
It amazes us both that he's already almost three weeks old. We see other babies on tv commercials and admit that we don't want him to get that big but the more he grows, the more we love him, the more we get to know him, and the more he seems to know us.
I imagine that motherhood at 3 weeks will be even more amazing than it has been at 2 weeks (though that is hard to believe). It truly gets more amazing with each day and I look forward to seeing what God has in store for the three of us in the coming weeks.
With this being known.... I'm here to admit that Carter is such a good baby.
And in all honesty.... I've not ever birthed a baby before him nor taken care of a baby for 24 hours a day/7 days a week so I don't truly have anything at all to compare him to. I only know that he was awake almost all day yesterday and he slept all night last night.... and that, at 3 weeks, seems like a small miracle. He woke up one time at 2:30 with a wet diaper. I changed him, nursed him, and he went back to sleep until this morning at 8. I changed him, nursed him, and now he's enjoying some quiet time in his vibrating chair. He's peaceful as can be without a complaint in the world (other than the annoying hiccups). I haven't heard a cry out of him since his belly ache on Monday night.
Motherhood really feels like second nature. When I hold him.... it's as if I've been holding him for years. I feel so complete being a mommy that I wonder how we ever got along in life without him. Even after almost three weeks.... Zach still nudges me at night, points over to Carter, and says.... "Look.... it's our baby", as if he just showed up. We're amazed by him and especially amazed at the thought that he's ours to keep.
I'm finally starting to figure out his likes and dislikes, his preferences, and I'm very slowly but surely beginning to recognize his various cries and what they mean. It's been the best 19 days of my life getting to know him.... he's more and more amazing with every day.... and more and more adorable.
Things I love about my son:
1. His smile: He smiles now and then.... particularly when he's just filled up his pants. I assume these smiles are just involuntary but I like to think that he's really happy and just wants to smile in order to let us know.
2. His curiosity: He'll stare at the couch pillows for 30 minutes at a time. He also loves his hands, the ceiling fan, the stripes on his vibrating chair, and the light up contraption we have in his crib. He is so in awe of everything around him.... even the most simple things.
3. His innocence: He's so incredibly sweet and knows of nothing negative in this whole world full of negativity.
4. His perfection: He's perfect in every single way. See pictures in the previous post for proof.
5. Everything: Really.... there isn't a single thing about him that I don't love.... this list could go on forever so I'm not sure why I bothered pretending like I could actually number the things I love about him.
He does something new almost everyday that I love.... this morning when I kissed him after a diaper change.... he tried to eat my nose because he thought it was a boob. It wasn't the first time he's done that~ but I loved it even more today than I did yesterday.
I'm at such a loss for words when it comes to expressing my love for him. I'm so overwhelmed with admiration for him and for Zach that nothing seems to make any sense sometimes. It's as if I'm back in high school with butterflies over some geeky kid.
There is no greater joy in my life right now than to have he and Zach close by.... no matter what we are doing or where we are, I'm the happiest wife and mommy in the world. Every week that goes by... I think that nothing could be better than having a one week old, and then a two week old.... and tomorrow, I'll admit that nothing could be better than having a three week old.
It amazes us both that he's already almost three weeks old. We see other babies on tv commercials and admit that we don't want him to get that big but the more he grows, the more we love him, the more we get to know him, and the more he seems to know us.
I imagine that motherhood at 3 weeks will be even more amazing than it has been at 2 weeks (though that is hard to believe). It truly gets more amazing with each day and I look forward to seeing what God has in store for the three of us in the coming weeks.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Day Fifteen
If there were an infant GQ.... I think we would definitely see these in it.... posing for mommy on day 15. Our gorgeous boy.
Day Fourteen
Carter was all about celebrating his 2 week birthday by striking a pose with E.T. (Zach's favorite childhood stuffed animal) 
Day Twelve
Is he not the cutest little naked baby you've ever seen? He's not naked often because he gets cold and irritated.... but when he is, the camera always comes out. :)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Day Eleven
[ smiles during a morning nap . 11 days old ]Wow.... this past week has been very busy. Sorry for the lack of updates. We're really starting to get Carter's schedule figured out and should have more time for frequent updates and pictures. He had a rough few days at the beginning of the week but after a talk with a lactation consultant.... I figured out that it was because I was eating a lot of salad. Apparently, salad is really hard on a baby's digestive system early on. Since I've not eaten anymore salads.... he's been a totally different boy & happy as can be.
He has another mini-photoshoot tomorrow morning..... so we're off to get some rest for now but we'll be back tomorrow afternoon with pictures from days 12-16. We can't believe how fast he's growing!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Birth Story
[ carter . less than 1 minute old . photo courtesy of Marci Ralph ]On Wednesday night, February 18th.... we were admitted to the hospital at 7:30 pm, just in time to watch American Idol on tv while they hooked me up to the monitors and started an IV. Cervadil, a medication intended to induce cervical thinning contractions, was started at 9pm. Upon admission.... my contractions were 8-10 minutes apart and the cervadil very quickly managed to get them to 5-8 minutes apart. They remained at 5-8 minutes throughout the night and into early morning on the 19th.
I was checked Thursday morning for dilation & effacement.... 2 cm & 60% effacement.... not much change despite the previous hours of regular contractions. Pitocin was started at 10 am and the contractions picked up almost immediately. The contractions were stronger, longer, and closer together... but still not unbearable so I continued on through the morning having popsickles and hanging out, watching the news with Zach and my mom.
The nurse was in and out periodically turning up my pitocin until we eventually reached the highest dose possible. At that time, my contractions were ridiculous and I was in tears with each one. I clutched the sheets and tried very hard to go as long as I could without giving in to modern medicine. Looking back, I'm not exactly sure why I was so adamant about not taking pain medication. Fear of it effecting Carter was a big part of it but I think if I could do it all over again... I would take whatever they recommended.
Finally, at 4:30, almost 7 hours after the pitocin was started.... I was checked again, only to find out that I was only dilated to a 5! Nearly delirious with pain, I gave in and asked for an anesthesiologist. Thank God for pain medication.
The only problem is.... I wasn't thinking clearly and asked that he administer the "lowest dose possible". Silly request on my part, considering I still had 5 cm left to dilate before the big show began. Ugh.... I was clearly not. with. it.
Fast forward through 6 hours of pain and discomfort, despite that pain medicine, and I'm ready to start pushing. (thank goodness I didn't write this story the next day or else I imagine that you'd go on for paragraphs of detail regarding the pain)
When you're told it's time to start pushing.... you think the end is near, yes? Well.... I did. My lovely husband and the glorious nurses had just gone on and on about my strong abdominal muscles and how they were going to help me push the bambino out in no time......
.... so much for those abdominal muscles.
I pushed for over 2 hours..... the most painful & uncomfortable 2 hours of my entire life. Needless to say... pain medicine was no more and I was so out of it that the whole experience is still fuzzy. Apparently, from what I hear.... I was very sweet and apologetic. All I can remember is telling Zach between pushes and in all of my crazy exhaustion: "I just don't think I can do this anymore, I can't do this anymore."
Somewhere in that 2+ hours.... the anesthesiologist shows up with more pain medication, the doctor shows up and starts ordering us around, and intensive care nurses were sent into the room because it was decided that suction was necessary. It was UTTER chaos from what little I can remember.
When Carter finally made his entrance into this world at 11:50 pm that evening, there must have been 17 people in the room boasting about and carrying on regarding how gigantic he was. I remember hearing: "He's so big!, He's so big!" and when I looked down at the chubby boy on my chest.... it was quite apparent to me that I may have just delivered a toddler.
Might I just have a second to admit that childbirth was not AT ALL what I expected. So much for a Baby Story, Birth Day, and all of those other cheesy Discovery Channel shows. Childbirth is messy, complicated, and painful. Add a nearly 9 pound baby into the mix, some pitocin, and a low dose of pain medication.... and childbirth very quickly becomes.... well, I can't even find words to describe what it became for me.
With all of that said though, February 19th was the best day of our lives and I would go through it all over again one hundred times to have Carter here with us. Zach and I cried and cried as we watched the nurses clean him up from my hospital bed. He was beautiful.... so perfect in every sense of the word, and he was all ours. Our beautiful boy was finally with us and we were a family.
Our precious boy has been perfect ever since.... and in some indescribable way, our love just continues to grow.... for him and for eachother.
We hired Marci Ralph, an incredible photographer, to photograph our birthing experience.... it was the greatest investment we have ever made and I couldn't be more excited to see her images. She will be finishing up a slideshow of Carter's birth in the near future.... but for now.... you can see these images above and more at her blog:
A Couple Becomes a Family
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Day Ten
[ Could he be anymore precious? ]
[ posing for mommy ]
[ learning about animals with Aunt Maddie ]
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Our Little Glow Worm
Carter with his bilirubin-blanket . 7 days old
Great news! The bili-blanket is out of here! We had C's levels drawn again this afternoon and they were down again to 14.2! The doctor said that once his levels were down below 15~ we could discontinue his photo-therapy so we're calling the company first thing in the morning to come and get his lightning-bug costume.
It'll be a little sad to see him without a glow anymore but we're so excited that he's a healthy boy! We're celebrating tonight with ice cream and movies.....
Now, I'm off to change a poopy diaper! Oh, the joys of motherhood! I love it, poopy diapers and all!
all smiles
naptime with daddy . 6 days oldCarter's jaundice is slowly improving. We're venturing over to the hospital again this afternoon for another blood draw to see if we can discontinue his photo-therapy. We're excited about the day that these blood draws come to an end. Some days.... he handles them well and doesn't cry and on other days he cries so much that mommy is in tears herself. Hopefully today will be a good day for him.
He and I are having some mommy-carter time while daddy is at an auction with grandpa. He's been such a good boy this morning.... eating & sleeping & watching his baby einstein video. I can't get over what a great little baby he has been. He is a little demanding sometimes and he does love to be held a lot but.... such is the life of a newborn. We're enjoying every minute.... and the minutes are passing us by so quickly.
He and I are having some mommy-carter time while daddy is at an auction with grandpa. He's been such a good boy this morning.... eating & sleeping & watching his baby einstein video. I can't get over what a great little baby he has been. He is a little demanding sometimes and he does love to be held a lot but.... such is the life of a newborn. We're enjoying every minute.... and the minutes are passing us by so quickly.
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